How to be confident in bed when overweight?

Updated 03:25 pm EDT, April 8, 2024

Published 09:22 am EDT, April 10, 2024

How to be Confident in Bed When Overweight

By Virginia Mayer

Embrace your body and your own definition of beauty.

By Virginia Mayer

Updated 03:25 pm EDT, April 8, 2024

Published 09:22 am EDT, April 10, 2024

How to be confident in bed when overweight? It took me a while (and by “while” I mean years) to understand not everyone likes the same thing. Around the same time, I also learned the media has an enormous responsibility in terms of what people like and desire. The media has determined what the perfect woman looks like and I don’t fit within that description. Never have. I am a fat woman.

The masses –who follow the media and its norms– aren’t famous for their intelligence. All the contrary. So, let’s start by comprehending the masses as a herd. Think about sheep. The stupid kind that follows each other blindly. That’s the masses. If you could choose, what group would you belong to, the immense herd or the minority? I chose the minority, and here’s why.

Does the Word FAT Scare You?

I’ve written about this many times before. I’m willing and ready to keep doing it as long as I manage to change at least one fat woman’s mind with each text I publish. So, this is for you, fat woman. I was asked to write about how sex is for an “overweight woman”, but as I don’t identify as “overweight”, I’ll call us FAT. I’m not scared by the word. Are you? Fat! Fat! Are you getting more familiarized with it? Good. Fat!

how to be confident in bed when overweight

Here we are. Fat women. The kind a regular person sees with a handsome man and feels like there’s something wrong there. Like a fat woman doesn’t belong with a handsome, skinny guy. And even worse, like we don’t deserve them.  

A Herd of Lovers

Now, let me tell you a relevant fact about myself. I have fucked around. Oh, I have. So much that I lost count. And all those fucks happened with this same body. Fluctuating between 198 and 250 pounds. I treated sex simply as accompanied masturbation. Wouldn’t you rather have someone do it for you?

It didn’t matter what the guy felt or thought as long as I had an orgasm. And I always did. I would climb on top and ride them until I screamed. What they thought about me was irrelevant. I did –however– wonder why, when I was attracted to any of them, they didn’t come for more or decide to stay with me. Would it be a different story had I been a skinny woman?

I did have a dichotomy, though. On the one hand, I never feel more powerful or sexy than when I’m fucking. When I’m having sex, I feel like nothing else matters. I am a queen. I feel as sexy as my whole weight. And at the same time, I had this insecurity about my body. I kept asking myself: I’m smart, funny, interesting, good-looking, I have a good sense of style (mind you), I smell good, have big tits, a round ass, and a waist, I’m independent, and also a good fuck. Then, why don’t they stay? Why won’t they come back for more?

Maybe I'm the Problem?

I assumed the issue was me not being skinny. I decided that. A culture that glorifies a pageant-kind of woman, the same kind the drug lords deemed as the perfect object, was to blame. I was living in Colombia at the time, and I blamed its blatantly chauvinistic culture. But then I spent a year in Miami, dating men from around the world, and the experience was the same…

how to be confident in bed when overweight

I have to be (even more) honest, I wasn’t being selective AT ALL. I would just fuck whatever I matched with (my sex/love supermarket was Tinder). Just wanted to FUCK because I didn’t have a stable relationship and was convinced that my vagina would rust if I didn’t use it. So, I fucked rich, poor, ugly, handsome, dumb, smart, illiterate, educated, clean, dirty, etc. And the crazy part is that I programmed myself to find love through fucking. That was the plan.

Now I know I wasn’t going to find anything good because that only happens when you become selective. I changed my strategy. Became stricter with myself and stopped fucking around with just anybody. I decided I only wanted to fuck someone with real potential. And I chose to look for someone outside the herd. Among other things, I wanted a smart and cultured man. The kind that decides for himself. One that sees more than just the obvious.

Are You Just a Fat Body, is That It?

And here’s the thing, fat woman. You are way more than just a fat body. You are also mind and soul. And I hope you’re working on and cultivating yourself other than just drinking water from a Stanley cup and going to the gym with leggings that enhance your ass –for those videos you take of yourself and later upload to social media so your followers can be witness to your perfect (herd-like) life.

how to be confident in bed when overweight

Once you understand you’re more than just a fat body, you’ll start looking for a man who sees more about you than just the obvious. You must engrave it into your mind: The eye doesn’t get to see the best one has to offer.

I looked outside the herd and found a brilliant man, cultured, with a strong personality, painfully handsome, and skinny. My man is skinny. I am that fat woman with a skinny man. I fell in love and went from fucking to making love. There’s an abyss between both concepts. Now, I believe it isn’t so easy to feel confident while just fucking around. It’s easier to accept and love yourself when you’re around people who genuinely care about you. Which doesn’t mean confidence comes from others!

Were You Waiting for a Magic Tool?

You need to accept yourself first. This is the body nature gave you. You may be able to change it if you’re willing to, or maybe you can’t. I have accepted this fat body, and loving myself is a daily struggle. One that will probably last until I die. And that’s fine. Loving oneself is a life-long project.

Once you understand you’re more than a body –I insist– you’ll start cultivating other aspects about yourself, and only then will you realize you deserve an amazing person by your side. If you know you are spectacular, why would you settle for anything lesser? Look for that guy who will drool about everything that you are. Your sensational and exquisite fat body as well as your mind and soul.

Pleasure through sex is a gift from life. You can’t allow yourself to miss out. Don’t, fat woman. Don’t.

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