If I’m Not a Boy, I Must be a Girl: a genderfluidity discussion. By Tai Sycheva with Tiago Jorge. Producer & Costume Designer: Natasha Tabunova. Photography: Ari Aisenberg Models: Vera Tabunova, Leu Tabunou, Jenna Remer.

If I’m Not a Boy, I Must be a Girl?

Dive into a captivating exploration of genderfluidity and identity and discover the nuances of self-discovery and self-expression.

By Tai Sycheva

Updated 02:24 pm EDT, August 26, 2024

Published 01:55 pm EDT, August 26, 2024

With Tiago Jorge

Producer & Costume Designer: Natasha Tabunova
Photography: Ari Aisenberg
Models: Vera Tabunova, Leu Tabunou, Jenna Remer

If I’m Not a Boy, I Must be a Girl?

Dive into a captivating exploration of genderfluidity and identity and discover the nuances of self-discovery and self-expression.

By Tai Sycheva

Updated 02:24 pm EDT, August 26, 2024

Published 01:55 pm EDT, August 26, 2024

With Tiago Jorge

Producer & Costume Designer: Natasha Tabunova
Photography: Ari Aisenberg
Models: Vera Tabunova, Leu Tabunou, Jenna Remer

When bodies moved together, they moved beautifully. In a tangle of limbs, sweat rubbed off from one to the other and then back again. Within one body, there was peace, a clear horizon, a baby with a pacifier, elevator music, and white carpeting. Within the other – lego pieces, peeling stickers, bananas with brown spots, and complete dentures soaked in foggy water. 

The two bodies danced and smeared their skin against each other, but their insides stayed hidden. The skin remained an impenetrable barrier. The third body wasn’t even noticed. The sites of identity remained tethered only to their owners, showing little to no curiosity in the other. 

If I’m Not a Boy, I Must be a Girl: a genderfluidity discussion. By Tai Sycheva with Tiago Jorge. Producer & Costume Designer: Natasha Tabunova. Photography: Ari Aisenberg Models: Vera Tabunova, Leu Tabunou, Jenna Remer.
If I’m Not a Boy, I Must be a Girl: a genderfluidity discussion | by Tai Sycheva with Tiago Jorge. Producer & Costume Designer: Natasha Tabunova | Photography: Ari Aisenberg | Models: Vera Tabunova, Leu Tabunou, Jenna Remer

Our body is made of sex and opinions

In the struggle to find the opening words for what I wanted to say, I turned to the masters. Kneeling in front of my pile of books, I read the entries Bulgakov, Wilde, Marquez, and Nabokov wrote. Unfortunately, the masters did not offer me any aid.

How do you find a way to express something that you have not expressed before?

Just as in literacy, this question of gender can be asked.

When the answer has always been A or B, how do you find C?

If I’m Not a Boy, I Must be a Girl: a genderfluidity discussion. By Tai Sycheva with Tiago Jorge. Producer & Costume Designer: Natasha Tabunova. Photography: Ari Aisenberg Models: Vera Tabunova, Leu Tabunou, Jenna Remer.
If I’m Not a Boy, I Must be a Girl: a genderfluidity discussion | by Tai Sycheva with Tiago Jorge | Creative Direction: Natasha Tabunova

In a similar manner, I found a way to start this article: people have come together to establish the much more comforting reality of the gender spectrum. A reality that always existed but took a long time to become widely known, a fact that came to pass not by mere coincidence but a deliberate calculation of heteronormativity that consumed so much of our society’s foundation without a pause for water that it’s now stuck it a horizontal position sweating, digesting, and burping.

The Binary Establishment

Judith Butler argues in “Gender Trouble” that the binary model of gender is one that is socially constructed with the aim of maintaining the heteronormative order. Previously, this mode efficiently fed patriarchies, allowing the men in power to maintain that position.

 Now, however, times have changed, and so have the benefits the system exudes. State pharmaceutical companies profit from hormonal treatment, all the while socially gaining muffin points for their modern thinking. A solution for a problem that is created and enforced by our society as a means of capitalist control over bodies and identities.

In my conversation with Tiago Jorge, they explained their experience with the binary categorization, the most prominent side effect of the heteronormativity pill of ignorance.

If I’m Not a Boy, I Must be a Girl: a genderfluidity discussion | by Tai Sycheva with Tiago Jorge. Producer & Costume Designer: Natasha Tabunova | Photography: Ari Aisenberg | Models: Vera Tabunova, Leu Tabunou, Jenna Remer

“I struggle to understand the significance and utility of masculine and feminine roles. I was confused when I was young. It was unclear to me whether the role of a trans woman was the one I was seeking. It seemed like the only option, and…

if I'm not a boy, I must be a girl. 

Things changed when I started to meet gender-fluid people. They told me about their experience and suggested different material I could read, but I was set to figure things out on my own without external influence.

I always wanted to cross the lines between what is considered to be strictly feminine and strictly masculine, but I am socially denied the freedom to do that.

Sometimes I wake up, and I want to put on a skirt because that’s what my brain is asking for even though society has decided that it belongs somewhere off-limits to me. For example, here on vacation with my family, I don’t want to be exposed to uncomfortable moments, so I don’t pick certain outfits- we are born naked, the rest is drag.”

If I’m Not a Boy, I Must be a Girl: a genderfluidity discussion. By Tai Sycheva with Tiago Jorge. Producer & Costume Designer: Natasha Tabunova. Photography: Ari Aisenberg Models: Vera Tabunova, Leu Tabunou, Jenna Remer.
If I’m Not a Boy, I Must be a Girl: a genderfluidity discussion | by Tai Sycheva with Tiago Jorge. Producer & Costume Designer: Natasha Tabunova | Photography: Ari Aisenberg | Models: Vera Tabunova, Leu Tabunou, Jenna Remer

The Performance

Indeed it is. The performative nature of how we portray our identities raises the question of whether there is anything that we are rather than do. Drag is the perfect example – When performing genders that do not “match” the assigned sex, the constructed and performative nature of gender squirms under the spotlight.

“The details of how you choose to perform your gender are important to forming and maintaining your identity. At school, I didn’t want to cross my legs to perform the masculinity I was expected to perform. The moment the switch happened to allow the performance of who I really am- it allowed me to open myself, to know my gender.”

If I’m Not a Boy, I Must be a Girl: a genderfluidity discussion | by Tai Sycheva with Tiago Jorge. Producer & Costume Designer: Natasha Tabunova | Photography: Ari Aisenberg | Models: Vera Tabunova, Leu Tabunou, Jenna Remer

The aspect of gender fluidity that seems to be most indigestible to people is the pronouns. People misstep, mispronounce, and get confused, and rather than committing to respecting the preferred pronouns, they choose to criticize the need for them. Beyond the surface level is a more deeply rooted linguistic discrimination.

While some languages inherently possess masculine and feminine conjugations, others do not allow space for pronoun adjustment. This unwillingness to adjust acts as barbwire. The segregation renders some identities as invisible, and others as unintelligible in certain discourses.

People are stubborn and refuse to accept change, especially when it requires an effort.

If I’m Not a Boy, I Must be a Girl: a genderfluidity discussion. By Tai Sycheva with Tiago Jorge. Producer & Costume Designer: Natasha Tabunova. Photography: Ari Aisenberg Models: Vera Tabunova, Leu Tabunou, Jenna Remer.
If I’m Not a Boy, I Must be a Girl: a genderfluidity discussion | by Tai Sycheva with Tiago Jorge. Producer & Costume Designer: Natasha Tabunova | Photography: Ari Aisenberg | Models: Vera Tabunova, Leu Tabunou, Jenna Remer

“Do you feel linguistic exclusion?” I asked Tiago. “I do. My mother tongue is Portuguese, followed by Spanish and then English. English is the language that is the least exclusive. In Portuguese, it is the hardest. The language doesn’t allow for adjustments. When I am talking to friends in Portuguese, I try not to use gender at all, and if I do, I use a Spanish word for it.

Gender fluidity is not a modern concept. It’s the consequence of evolution. 

The lack of catering to non-binary linguistics in languages is a refusal to adapt to the needs of evolution. If language has the power to be molded to make all the people feel included, why not do it?”

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