Celebrate the Feminine
Unveil the power of embracing femininity in men. Why breaking free from societal expectations is essential for true liberation.
Updated 10:36 am EST, December 12, 2024
Published 01:12 am EST, December 12, 2024
Menswear: Luis Aponte
Model: Prince Perrian
Photographer: Flávio Iryoda
Celebrate the Feminine
Unveil the power of embracing femininity in men. Why breaking free from societal expectations is essential for true liberation.
Updated 10:36 am EST, December 12, 2024
Published 01:12 am EST, December 12, 2024
Menswear: Luis Aponte
Model: Prince Perrian
Photographer: Flávio Iryoda
Shattering Stereotypes
Pink, a color often linked to femininity, continues to deter many men from embracing its vibrant allure. This lesson has been woven into the fabric of boyhood since childhood, but in an era where the boundaries of gender are expanding, it’s time to rewrite the rules. We are witnessing a remarkable shift in societal norms, as rigid binary thinking gives way to a vibrant spectrum of identities and expressions. Yet, one aspect remains slow to evolve in this grand narrative: masculinity itself.
Toxic masculinity—a term that encapsulates the relentless societal pressure for men to prioritize manliness—imposes a heavy load of expectations and limitations. This mindset perpetuates harmful stereotypes, causing men to suffer in silence. Contrary to popular belief, these stereotypes are as detrimental to men as they are to women.
Take, for instance, the stereotype that all men must be sports enthusiasts. I’ve never shared that passion, and that doesn’t diminish my identity as a man. While I delight in playing pitcher and catcher, If you know what I mean!!!!, my interest in cars is virtually nonexistent; I’m much more of a “driven” person, much like Miss Daisy.
What even defines “manliness”? Is it burping after lunch, flaunting a hairy chest, or bragging about the number of women one dates? Men are pressured to avoid colors like pink and always exude assertiveness, while expected roles as providers and heads of households weigh heavily upon them.
Beyond Norms
In the realm of fashion, men are often molded to resemble Johnny Bravo—told to shun anything deemed feminine. Cosmetics and skincare remain largely stigmatized, flamboyant styles seen as taboo, especially when they incorporate daring colors like pink or violet. The art of style coordination is frequently relegated to women, dismissing the beauty of creative expression in men.
When I announced I would do an original, full-length silk Japanese kimono for a friend’s wedding celebration, my friends met the idea with skepticism. Previously, I had flirted with androgyny through Dolce & Gabbana women’s jewelry and a hint of pure peony perfume, but this was different. To my circle, a man in a kimono seemed utterly scandalous; to me, it felt like the perfect expression of self.
I embraced the flamboyant cheekiness of the look, pairing the kimono with a Karl Lagerfeld minaudière, Dolce &Gabbana jewelry, and Kenzo sunglasses (yes, I wear sunglasses at night— just like the song). However, the moment I stepped into the seamstress’s studio for my fitting, that cheekiness morphed into something more dynamic.
As the seamstress expertly fastened the kimono around me, I didn’t feel constrained. Instead, I felt— and looked—sensual, beautiful, powerful, and undeniably virile. I firmly believe that the most compelling aspect of masculine men is their femininity, just as the most captivating quality in feminine women is their embrace of masculinity.
This interplay of sensations, intuition, and feeling defines the rich tapestry of the Jungian concepts of “anima” and “animus”—the feminine spirit within men and the masculine essence within women.
Embracing Anima
My personal embrace of the anima is rooted in my upbringing in the vibrant town of Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic. Surrounded by strong women, I carried that feminine energy with me as I transitioned into life as a teenager in New York City, where my female friends often borrowed my jewelry, accessories, and fragrances, asking for tips on makeup.
This connection to femininity was not just accepted; it was celebrated—a beautiful testament to the shared sensitivity that infuses our lives with vigor and vitality. Many influential cultural figures—think Grace Jones, David Bowie, Diane Keaton, Lady Gaga, Prince, and Marlene Dietrich—have elegantly straddled this dichotomy for decades. Grace Jones, in her memoir, reflects on her unconventional gender identity, acknowledging her duality.
“He played the organ at church, and I would call him ‘church gay’ or perhaps ‘church feminine.’ I think of Prince that way—a whole new gender, really.” Miles Davis once encapsulated Prince’s magnetism, describing him as “that raunchy thing, almost like a pimp and a bitch all wrapped up in one image.”
The Greatest Shame
Jones’s fluidity embodies independence. “I never ask for anything in a relationship,” she states. “Because I have this sugar daddy I created for myself: me. I am my own sugar daddy. I have a very strong male side, which I developed to protect my female side.
If I want a diamond necklace, I can go and buy myself a diamond necklace.”
The obsession with hyper-masculinity pervades gay culture as much as it does traditional patriarchies. In queer spaces, alpha-macho traits are often the most coveted. Meanwhile, femininity—seen as softness and a delicate touch—has been imposed on young girls and women.
When women defy these norms, it’s viewed as a form of social resistance. The stakes are even higher for men who reject conventional masculinity, particularly in Latino communities where a feminine man is often labeled as weak or pitiable. This cultural mindset is pervasive, transcending boundaries of race, belief, and sexuality. My own journey reflects this struggle.
My late father, a man of multiple marriages, declared me his greatest shame. When he passed away after a battle with cancer, four women mourned him, one at each corner of the room. His exclusion of me from his will was a painful reminder of how my identity as a man who loves men was deemed unacceptable.
Sassy Shaming
The stigma surrounding femininity is rampant, viewed as a negation of hyper-valorized masculinity. On platforms like Grindr, tags like “No fems” and “Be straight-acting” highlight the extent of effemiphobia. Amidst societal turmoil, I often grapple with what is expected of men today. While it’s universally acknowledged that men should treat women with respect, beyond that, the guidelines blur.
The notion of “nice guys finish last” insinuates that men must adopt bold, aggressive personas to be attractive. However, many women appreciate softness, empathy, and the courage to display vulnerability.
The prevailing sentiment among far-right groups across Europe seems to demand that men abandon their “sassy” traits. So what does “sassy” mean in 2024? Simply put, it denotes men who embody feminine qualities that some believe should remain hidden. Dancing, wearing jewelry from Tiffany, or sporting a crossbody bag all fall under this label. Another frequent complaint? Men being “too emotional.”
Men are branded as sassy if they express disappointment over a lack of affection or communicate their need for space. This labeling is fraught with issues. The argument often surfaces that men must “act like men” in response to the perceived apocalypse of “sassy” masculinity.
As men begin to vocalize their desires for love, some women resort to social media to shame them. I’ve heard friends claim that real men eschew healthy communication, revealing a troubling trend that pervades our public discourse. Ultimately, the label “sassy” is steeped in homophobia.
It often encompasses actions like eye-rolling, hand-on-hip stances, or lip-pursing—traits stereotypically assigned to queer men and women. It wouldn’t surprise me if many content creators using the term do so to disguise their deeper disdain for queerness.
A Personal Journey
For too long, gay men have endured stigmatization, leading to a culture of conformity steeped in internalized homophobia. The idea that same-sex-attracted men fail to embody authentic masculinity persists, but what of the rest of us who exist outside the “straight-acting” narrative? My greatest value is freedom—a freedom hard-earned. Every man deserves the space to express himself without fear of emasculation.
Painted nails, waist-winding crossbody bags, and Tiffany bracelets may not fit conventional ideas of masculinity, but they should never invite shame. A man who knows his needs, understands what he wants, and asks for it boldly is not just respectable; he’s incredibly attractive.
Decades later, after moving to Spain, away from my father and my stern stepmother Milagros, I discovered a profound sense of beauty and pride in valuing my identity. The Mental Health Confederation of Spain revealed in 2023 that LGBT individuals face more than double the rates of self-harm, suicide attempts, and ideation compared to the general population.
This issue highlights the tragic reality faced by effeminate boys and masculine girls —those who challenge traditional gender norms often endure the harshest repercussions. My own journey was marked by bullying in school, particularly from a classmate named Fernando Martinez, who taunted me for my femininity. Yet I cultivated pride by forging deep connections with friends like Vanessa, Vicky, Maxiel, Cathy, and Rosanna—people who appreciated me for who I truly am.
Self-Discovery Reflections
As I navigated my 20s and 30s, I contemplated these themes. The weight of societal constraints was more profound than I had anticipated, and the journey toward self-acceptance was a sweaty battle.
I learned that self-validation and self-respect were the keys to transforming from a seed buried in darkness into a thriving entity reaching for the light. My survival instincts propelled me to seek the warmth of acceptance, breaking through the barriers of self-pity.
With patience and perseverance, I cultivated emotional roots in search of sustenance and love. Gradually, my stem emerged, yearning for the day when my leaves could bask in the light of the outside world. When I speak of “stem,” I refer to the vital components of relationships, education, purpose, resilience, values, and health that collectively nourish a fulfilling life.
As a Dominican, Afro-Latino man in the 21st century, I grapple with ambivalence until I pieced myself together. It was only then, gazing into the mirror of life, that I recognized something within myself I had never seen before: a newfound poise and daring. I had transformed from a shy, timid young man into someone unafraid to take risks and embrace all facets of my identity.
A Feminine Man is Powerful
Standing before the camera of my future, I locked eyes with the lens and felt an exhilarating rush of confidence. I had shed the weight of societal expectations, knowing that validation came from within. I struck pose after pose, proud of the power I found in my femininity, celebrating the rich tapestry of my identity with every click of the shutter.
This journey is a celebration of self-expression and authenticity, a powerful reminder that embracing all aspects of oneself—whether deemed traditionally masculine or feminine—can lead to a deeper understanding of what it means to be human. As we navigate a world increasingly open to fluidity, let us champion the freedom to redefine masculinity, to celebrate the allure of the feminine in all its forms, and to revel in the beauty of individuality.
Fashion is not just about what we wear; it’s about how we choose to present ourselves to the world, breaking down barriers and challenging norms. It’s an art form that reflects our innermost identities and desires, allowing us to tell our stories through color, texture, and style.
So let’s embrace the colors that speak to our souls, wear the fabrics that make us feel alive, and express our identities without hesitation. Because, in the end, a feminine man—or anyone who dares to blend the traditional lines of gender—is a powerful force to be reckoned with, embodying the freedom and strength that comes from true self-acceptance.
Let us celebrate the beauty of being unapologetically ourselves—bold, vibrant, and wonderfully complex. After all, in a world striving for authenticity, nothing is more fashionable than being exactly who you are. A Feminine Man is a powerful thing to be.
Meet Omar Enrique Matos: part aficionado writer, bespoke tailor, radio host, and former fashion booker. With a flair for fashion and a penchant for fun, Omar seamlessly blends expertise an passion with entertainment. From crafting bespoke suits to sharing style secrets on air, he’s a true Renaissance man of the fashion world.
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